This is going to hurt anyone who knows what they’re doing is wrong, this is going to offend anyone who doesn’t want to be convicted. You might call me a hypocrite or a judgmental person, but trust me I am not here to judge. If anything I’m exposing my own downfalls, my own mistakes. This is as much of a conviction to me as to anyone else. And conviction hurts but it should help us heal if we take it in with open arms.

Isn’t it funny how this world laughs at all that is pure? Isn’t it funny that all that was a blessing has become a curse? A marriage is no longer considered a safe place, but a piece of paper. Yet we’re still willing to steal all the benefits from each other like we’re all just objects to be used for one’s own desires. We act as if we’re devoted to each other but are unwilling to commit ourselves completely to one another. And we change God’s word just enough that it fits our lifestyles. I choose to date that one person that stands against everything God is. That person that definitely is not what God wants for me, but I go for it anyway because I want them. And it’s okay cause I think I know myself better than anyone, better than God. It will be good for me cause I feel good right now, and because they attract my desires. No I don’t even care if they are good or bad for my soul and mental health. As long as I get satisfaction for the want in me, whatever it may be. I choose that person, that thing, over God of Goodness and Promise. Because what would He have to offer? I don’t want what He has for me because I don’t think He has anything for me even if He says He has greater plans for me than my imagination would ever let me vision.

I believe there is a God but I am unwilling to obey His voice, even if I knew that my rebellion against Him is useless. Because the only one who ends up upset and hurt will always be me. I want to seem close to God but stay devoted to my pain. I say “oh there’s going to be enough time for me to act right in the future, but right now I’m gonna be making deals with the devil, God will forgive me”. I’m abusing the system and hurting myself.

Do you ever ask yourself why God says to not do things? Cause He is a control freak? Or could it be that He is all knowing, all powerful, almighty God who cares about me more than any man/woman ever could, and He knows that my selfish wants and desires will only end up hurting me in the end. And because I’m His child He is doing everything in His power to stop me from hurting myself. But like a stubborn child I do it anyway because I don’t want to listen to my parents, I know myself better than anyone else. I will not take orders from anyone. And because I am not a robot, He will let me do whatever I want and let me wonder later on why did I end up in the deep end with a broken wing. Isn’t it silly how because someone says don’t do it, we will definitely do it no matter how silly it is? Only because our own pride will not take advice. “We know better”.

And you can go ahead and call me crazy and laugh at me. But my eyes have finally been opened to the brokenness of this World that people try to dress as “freedom”. Yet wonder why there’s so much hurt happening around us. Everyone is okay with anything as long as it has nothing to do with the Bible and the name Jesus. I will wear the evil eye around my neck before choosing to say Jesus is alive. Because evil eye won’t ask me to change the things in me that hurt me and others, it says it’s okay to do whatever I please and to serve myself. I will go ask help from crystals and tarot cards rather than a God who created me. I will seek peace from things that will only open doors to the enemy as long as I don’t have to take a good look at myself and the things I do wrong.